[archedmaid]

I have two separate intro paragraph type things that I need a second opinion on. They are separated in the script, but in game they are immediately after each other.

I just posted them in the setup they were in the game which is only two lines per word bubble.  I do not know if any of these are suppose to connect or not.

Part 1

かつて、さまざまな勢力によって、　　　　　　　　
いくつもの大戦が繰り広げられていた惑星Ｚｉ。　　

だが、戦争の終結をむかえてから　　　　　　　　　
すでに長い時がすぎていた。　　　　　　　　　　　

機械生命体ゾイドが戦闘兵器となり、繰り広げられた
戦争の記憶は、歴史の中にうもれていた。　　　　　

いまやゾイドは戦闘兵器としての姿を忘れ、　　　　
人々の生活を支えるものとして、そして　　　　　　

Ｚｉファイターたちの愛機として存在していた。

Part 1

Spoiler:

Planet Zi, destroyed by numerous battles       
never being controlled by just one faction.
   
A long time has passed since the most           
recent war and times are more peaceful.
       
Metallic life-forms known as Zoids, which       
have been feared as powerful fighting machines.
 
Zoids no longer see them selves as combat       
weapons, but as support for the lives of people.

The Zi Fighters love these machines.     

Part 2

各シティで開催されているバトルリーグでは彼らが　
日々、名誉と栄光のためにウデをきそっていた。　　

バトルリーグの行われる闘技場では　　　　　　　　
日々、新しい伝説が生まれては消えていく…　　　　

彼もまた、　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
かつては伝説と呼ばれたＺｉファイターだった。　　

彼はブルーシティのバトルリーグで、　　　　　　　
頂点の座を手にした。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
　
だが、ある事件をきっかけに表舞台から姿を消し、　
今は街の片隅でエージェント業をいとなんでいた。　

ブルーシティ、この街で…

Part 2

Spoiler:

There is a Battle League in each city           
and every day people fight for honor and glory.
 
The Battle League takes place in an arena       
and every day a legend fades away and is reborn.

This man...                                     
was once a legendary Zi Fighter.
               
In the Battle League of Blue City,             
he was the center of attention.
                 
His attention disappeared after an incident.   
Now he is in the agent business.
               
In Blue City.

[pmt7ar]

I don't know the question, both parts are coherent and seems right in that order.
Part 1 gives background story about zoids and the war, Part 2 tells about zi fighters and introduce one of them (protagonist?) who is now an agent.

[archedmaid]

Well my question is that when I read it in English its slightly jumbled and I have to figure out how to phrase it right.  I want an opinion on how it should be written properly in English.

[mz]

Why don't you just say: "I threw these Japanese lines into Google Translate and it came out a lot meaningless garbage. Could someone please translate them properly for me?"

[archedmaid]

I have translated 200 plus lines with no problems at all I just wanted a second opinion, but I guess every one is just posting useless stuff and cant just say hey this is how I would do it.

[mz]

Maybe you should be a bit more honest, instead of trying to trick possible translators with these silly arguments.

There's nothing wrong with asking for a translation or saying that you don't know Japanese and that your "first opinion" is Google Translate's shitty machine translation. You already said that you used it in your other post "I have done 81 more files on my own using Google translator", so I don't understand why you're ashamed now, or why you're trying to trick volunteers...

[pmt7ar]

Well my question is that when I read it in English its slightly jumbled and I have to figure out how to phrase it right.

you can't read it in english, it's in japanese    what are you reading? all I read there was right.

I have translated 200 plus lines with no problems at all I just wanted a second opinion.

when you ask for a second opinion, you first have to give the first one, first. if you have problems with your current translation, post it here and point us what you think its wrong on it, and then we can give you translation advice.

you just posted a japanese text and asked for "second opinion", second opinion on WHAT?

[archedmaid]

My first opinion is my own I translate it using three plus translators and then use basic word association to make it sound appropriate to how I would read it in English.  I am not trying to trick any body I don't understand why anybody would think that, and both of you have less than 20 posts here any ways.  Yes I have translated using Google, but it is not as simple as that I have used previously translated texts as resources, my knowledge of Zoids, and other internet resources that I know are accurate.  I also never claimed to read English.

[pmt7ar]

I may have less than 20 posts, but I've been translating japanese for a publisher for over 3 years, and translated over 40mb of plain text for fansubs.

I'm not english native as you can see, but if you post your translation and POINT where you want a second opinion, I'll gladly help you. As it looks right now, you're asking the work done, and hardly someone here will give you that. So try to make it look otherwise if you want prompt help.

BTW, don't use Google. It's useless. Really, there is absolutely nothing you can use from japanese google translate, it fucks up all grammar. Don't use it to associate words, use a dictionary for that.

[wyndcrosser]

I may have less than 20 posts, but I've been translating japanese for a publisher for over 3 years, and translated over 40mb of plain text for fansubs.

I'm not english native as you can see, but if you post your translation and POINT where you want a second opinion, I'll gladly help you. As it looks right now, you're asking the work done, and hardly someone here will give you that. So try to make it look otherwise if you want prompt help.

BTW, don't use Google. It's useless. Really, there is absolutely nothing you can use from Japanese Google translate, it fucks up all grammar. Don't use it to associate words, use a dictionary for that.

He/She is right, Google Translate should only be used for helping you out in the beginning, like with simple words (Items/Status, etc.). Usually people are a lot nicer around here, so I don't quite get all the nastiness, but whatever. However, I do understand that translating is a costly and timely endeavor, so most people here help out for free, so being honest all around can be beneficial.

Original Poster, if you do have an original translation, post it, someone should be able to assist you. Most RHDN members are quite nice.

What game is this? Can you give the full content, or the other parts you've translated, it may help.

[archedmaid]

It is Zoids vs 3 for the Gamecube and I have not only used Google translate but two or three other translators that all give me varying results and then I pieced them together.  So far 90% of what I have translated has been what appears to be proper dialogue.

The original Japanese text is in the first post.

Part 1

Spoiler:

Planet Zi, destroyed by numerous battles       
never being controlled by just one faction.
   
A long time has passed since the most           
recent war and times are more peaceful.
       
Metallic life-forms known as Zoids, which       
have been feared as powerful fighting machines.
 
Zoids no longer see them selves as combat       
weapons, but as support for the lives of people.

The Zi Fighters love these machines.     

Part 2

Spoiler:

There is a Battle League in each city           
and every day people fight for honor and glory.
 
The Battle League takes place in an arena       
and every day a legend fades away and is reborn.

This man...                                     
was once a legendary Zi Fighter.
               
In the Battle League of Blue City,             
he was the center of attention.
                 
His attention disappeared after an incident.   
Now he is in the agent business.
               
In Blue City.

[furrykef]

When you say "two or three other translators" do you mean other automatic translation programs?

If so: No. Stop it.

I've been studying Japanese for years and I still do not trust myself to create a good translation without the aid of a human translation checker at minimum, and I very often have to ask for help in ##japanese on Freenode and such (by the way, if you go there and mention you're trying to use web translation software, they will laugh at you). So if I can't trust myself, I sure as hell wouldn't trust a process like yours. It is a recipe for disaster.

Sorry.

[archedmaid]

This is a video of what I have so far I don't think it is bad besides some obvious things I have already fixed.  Mostly during the conversation between Alma and Leda is where it was a problem, but I fixed it.  I am not saying a translator program is the right thing to use, but it does the job translating the words into English. Enough that I can understand what is going on and type it appropriately.

http://youtu.be/zDnW7RiBNPY

[furrykef]

What part of "No, stop it" and "recipe for disaster" do you not understand? Don't just ignore the advice of people who are much more knowledgeable and experienced than you.

[archedmaid]

I do not need to listen to there advice.  This is why, I am doing this all by my self and I just want to do it regardless.  I honestly think 90% of the dialogue came out perfectly fine.  I can read it and fully understand what is going on.

I can understand this dialogue perfectly fine.

Spoiler:

Alma:                                           
"Leda, will tell you the details. Please       
explain what happened three days ago."         
Leda:                                           
"I will explain. Before the Rayse Tiger we     
we developed the Whitz Tiger.                   
Arrow:                                         
"Is it gone? Where is it now?"                 
Leda:                                           
"Yes it's gone. Three days ago the company     
president took it out for a test."                         
Leda:                                           
"But suddenly a mysterious dragon Zoid         
attacked him."                                 
Leda:                                           
"The security rushed to him, but the Whitz     
Tiger's core had already been taken.           
Leda:                                           
"They even took the president..."               
Arrow:                                         
"The ZOITECH president was kidnapped?"         
Alma:                                           
"Yes. That is why I'm requesting you find       
the president and capture the criminals."

[Bonesy]

Do realize that when people realize you're using automatic translations nobody's going to want to play your project.

[pmt7ar]

Do realize that when people realize you're using automatic translations nobody's going to want to play your project.

This. There is no need to do a one-man project if it exceeds your limitations. If you ask for advice, its because you want some quality on it, and in that case, you should get a translator (human) to check it.

Automated translators, like Google's, are horrible with japanese. You can translate some isolated words, with good results only 70% of the times, and that's awfully low. A dictionary is unimaginably better. The problem with japanese and those translators is grammar. A single sentence like "早く起きなよ" gets translated with 100% the opposite meaning.

Here's a quick check on meaning accuracy, I'm not english native so, you do the wording:

かつて、さまざまな勢力によって、　　　　　　　　
いくつもの大戦が繰り広げられていた惑星Ｚｉ。　　
Planet Zi, once filled with numerous wars by different forces.

だが、戦争の終結をむかえてから　　　　　　　　　
すでに長い時がすぎていた。
But long has passed since the wars ended.

機械生命体ゾイドが戦闘兵器となり、繰り広げられた
戦争の記憶は、歴史の中にうもれていた。　　　　　
Metallic life-forms "Zoids" became combat weapons, and the memories of those wars are now buried in history.

いまやゾイドは戦闘兵器としての姿を忘れ、　　　　
人々の生活を支えるものとして、そして　　　　　　
Ｚｉファイターたちの愛機として存在していた。
Now Zoids no longer see themselves (forgot) as combat weapons, but as support for the lives of people and as beloved machines of Zi fighters

-----

バトルリーグの行われる闘技場では　　　　　　　　
日々、新しい伝説が生まれては消えていく…　
The Battle League takes place in an arena  and every day a legend is born and fades away.

彼はブルーシティのバトルリーグで、　　　　　　　
頂点の座を手にした。　
He reached the top of the Battle League of Blue City.

だが、ある事件をきっかけに表舞台から姿を消し、　
今は街の片隅でエージェント業をいとなんでいた。　
But after an incident, he left the stage, and now works in the agent business in an obscure part of the city.

I honestly think 90% of the dialogue came out perfectly fine.  I can read it and fully understand what is going on.

I can understand this dialogue perfectly fine.

Beware of this. You may understand the 90% or 100% of what came out, but that's 90% or 100% of an automated translation, not necessarily the same as it is in japanese. You may reword or localize idioms and expressions, but its paramount to get the original meaning accurately at 100%, and THEN decide what to change in favor of your target audience. One thing is knowing it says "born" and reword it as "reborn", other is believing it said "reborn" from the beginning.

[archedmaid]

That is why I asked for a proper translation for the intro I originally was not going to translate the story.  I just wanted to translate Zoid names, Item descriptions, and the menus, but I could not find the Zoid names in the game files.