Got to the opera scene. Just my two cents, I'm in favor of Celes asking if she's just Rachel's replacement for Locke. Up to that point, she keeps asking Locke why he saved her in the first place. She's insecure in her feelings for him, and this is especially apparent if you have them together in the party when you visit Rachel's resting place. Her directly asking Locke about it is a strong character moment in my opinion. Anyway, still playing on v2.03.
This one's super minor. I just disagree with the wording here. Setzer's coming to steal her
makes it sound as if she's an object rather than a person. Changing it to kidnap
Another minor one that has to do with the phrasing in the first sentence. That's why we're using her as a decoy!
cleans this up a bit.
just double-checking that these sfx got asterisks
There's no differentiation in the opera script other than the periods of ellipsis that it's direction and not her lines. The next part of it has parentheses, but I think the parentheses should start here. Also, maybe it'd look good to have a hyphen before each signature from now on, like in the previous post with Setzer? Kind of like:- The Impresario
Unnecessary commas here. Should just read Prince Ralse of the East took her hand by force.
Another instance of where I'd like to see a hyphen for signatures.- Ultros
This one read a little awkwardly to me, maybe consider: "The Westerners are attacking!"
I just disagreed with the spelling of Aiya!
The sound of the stuttering didn't make sense to me here. Setzer wouldn't make a W
sound, it'd be more like: Wh-who're YOU?
Missing ending punctuation
I thought this sentence was phrased awkwardly, particularly the second part. Rather than asking if it could crash, maybe replace with: How does it stay airborne?
May also consider a Star Wars reference, since Woolsey makes several anyway, and the airship later is even named the Falcon.What a piece of junk! How does it stay airborne?
I don't think grabbed
is the right word here. Abducted
might work better for such a crime.
Super minor, but there seems to be an extra space after General Celes!!
Just double-checking again that asterisks have been added
Not really important, but I remembered that since they refer to Celes as a Magitek Knight in the story and her description, maybe her class name in the menu screen should reflect that? Instead of Rune Knight
, maybe M-tek Knight
could work, since it's used to refer to the enemies due to spacing limitations?
is capitalized in Bolt Scroll
There's an extra space after Setzer says Right.
Minor thing, but Terra refers to her birthplace as the Esper's World
, when it should probably just be the Esper World. For example, you say the human world
and not the humans' world
. If the possessive is kept, then the apostrophe should be after the s
Not sure why the choices are phrased as questions, since they should be answers to the question that's already being asked. Periods should work fine.
Awkward verb, consider changing to wake
instead of awaken
Super minor, but maybe change to 1,000
? I believe this occurs in the opening as well.
Spacing issue in D'goh!
Also... what even is that
Dialogue should be: W-w-we're being sucked out!
Should be *shriek*
Also, what even is a veritable bonanza? Consider changing to: Just when we had absolute power in our grasp...!
Unnecessary capitalization. Let's go!
I don't think amidships
is the proper term here. Consider changing to: Press the X button to return to the deck.
I don't think smug
is the proper term here, and the phrasing is a little awkward, too. Maybe try: We can't get cocky. We have to keep planning our next move.