11 March 2016 - Forum Rules
Started by Chicken Knife, September 02, 2018, 04:17:10 PM
Quote from: AdamDravian on August 20, 2019, 04:30:00 PMThanks for providing that. I get an odd enjoyment from reading direct translation comparisons.Great job. There were just a couple lines that gave me pause:"In that country, everyone is troubled greater by a monster of many heads known as Orochi." [When I first read this, I thought that perhaps you were going to give all the people of Jipang a similarly strange way of speaking, but that didn't turn out to be the case.]"Brave X! You are one of incredible strength!" [While that's not incorrect, it'd read more naturally as "Brave X!" Your strength is incredible!"]"I've heard about you. You're those country bumpkins, aren't you? Teehee" [Missing punctuation at the end of the "Teehee".]"You should head south search in the center of four mountains. Meow!" [I assume there's a missing "and" in there.]"It is also said that due to the king's orders, the hero Simon was banished through the travel door on the right." [In all other instances, you capitalized "travel door".]One thing that really stood out to me was how surprisingly accurate the original English translation was, especially for an NES game of that era. They even managed to sneak a couple direct references to death past Nintendo of America's censors. I wonder if the translation accuracy had anything to do with how long it took for DQ3 to come out in the US, giving them plenty of time to get it right.That said, your translation is still a definite improvement. I look forward to your work on DQ4, as I've been holding off on playing that one until a better translation comes out.
Quote from: KiloRH on February 16, 2020, 08:28:12 AMSorry about this late revisit but I have another suggestion. According to the wiki, Erdrick's Japanese name is spelt "Loto", not Roto, which I also personally think sounds more English knight hero-y and thus what they were going for. Also a side note, there're a ton of missing commas, including three in a row right at the start.
Quote from: Chicken Knife on February 16, 2020, 10:17:10 PM'Please take the gifts in these chests for they will aid you on your quest[.'][wait][line]'Also speak with the guards for their knowledge can help you[.'][wait][line]'May we meet again, brave [HERO][.'][end]I'm not seeing the missing commas you are referring to. Please be specific about where you think they are missing. Anyone else is free to chime in as well.
Quote from: AdamDravian on February 17, 2020, 01:47:10 AM"Please take the gifts in these chests, for they will aid you on your quest." This sentence is comprised of two independent clauses (each could stand alone as a complete sentence) which are joined by the conjunction "for", and should technically have a comma."Also, speak with the guards, for their knowledge can help you." In this sentence, "Also" is an introductory clause and should technically be offset with a comma. "Speak with the guards" and "their knowledge can help you" are, again, two independent clauses that are joined together with the conjunction "for".These are the kind of comma errors that are unlikely to stand out to anyone except professional writers/editors/English teachers. I'm a writer myself, but I personally wouldn't bat an eye at this kind of thing in a video game, as it's fairly frequent.
Quote from: KiloRH on February 17, 2020, 10:31:05 AMThose are the kinds of missing commas I was talking about. Guess I'm a professional English teacher if they immediately stood out to me that much. Sorry to bother you, then.
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