This is a very early example of the old truism that games based on licensed properties are by default Bad. It applies here with crappy movie licenses just as it applies to crappy Japanese games with anime licenses (hi Banpresto).

The story is a continuation of Castle of Cagliostro: Clarisse is (again) kidnapped, and everyone races to the rescue. You can choose which of three characters you want to control: Lupin shoots short distances, Jigen shoots long distances, and Goemon uses his badass close-range sword. I’m sure there are other differences, but they don’t apply to the first level, and none of you will pass the first level anyways.

For starters, this is one of the cheapest games ever. It’s an early game, so the jump physics might be excused, but enemies that suddenly appear in front of you in the middle of a long jump that you can’t actually see the end of, well, whose bright idea was that? The jumps in the first level are a pain anyways; you have to actually run down the roof to gain the momentum you need to get to the next roof. If you try to keep running at that point, you’ll instantly run into an enemy that suddenly appeared directly in front of you.

Toss in the one-hit-kills-you-instantly gimmick, and you’ve got tons of fun for everyone! Man, I loves me some Lupin, but I defy you to play this game without savestates. It’s a fucking pain, man.

Obviously, not much needed doing, which makes it all the more confusing that at least two people have attempted this translation before. I hear there are still some bugs in this patch, but I didn’t see anything. Course, I didn’t play very far.