I thought I'd post a little tease from the DQ3 script. Just passed the 70% mark with my part of it. nejimakipiyo's straight translation came first so altogether we are at the 85% mark. Here's a before and after from one of my favorite scenes.
NES localization:
This is the promontory of Olivia. This is where Olivia, despairing of her beloved lost in a storm at sea, hurled herself to her death.
But they say that even now she cries out to the ships that pass to call them back.
If someone were to offer her an item belonging to her beloved, Errol, her soul might be released.
Rumor has it that the ship in which Errol sailed also wanders as a phantom.
Delocalized script:
You have arrived at the Cape of Olivia. This is where Olivia, mourning her lover who was lost to a storm at sea, cast herself into the ocean.
But her spirit lives on. To this day, she can be heard calling out to the ships passing by.
If you were to offer her a memory of her beloved Eric, perhaps her soul may yet rise up to heaven.
They say that the ship Eric sailed on still wanders the seas like some kind of phantom.
While the original script of Dragon Warrior 3 is generally accurate and matching in style to the Japanese (unlike the scripts for 1 and 2), I hope it can be demonstrated by this comparison that there are instances of awkward phrasing, missing details, poor flow, and censorship.
I find the original loc tends to struggle the most with the lengthier sections. Plenty of short npc phrases are translated very well by our measure. In spite of that, I try to create some variation whenever possible as long as the resulting quality and accuracy are the same or better. If someone wants to utilize a new script, I assume they would want the experience to be as fresh as possible.
Overall, the text size has increased around 10%. I started allowing for this expansion after seeing that there was a tremendous amount of free space available in the rom immediately after the script. It was kind of shocking to see because DW1 and DW2 had no such space immediately available. I think this modest expansion is important as far as adding a little more flavor. DQ1 and DQ2 worked out well because the shift from medieval English to contemporary English saved a ton of space on its own.
Anyway, I'm looking forward (or am I?) to soon taking off the writing hat for awhile and putting the hacking hat back on.
**EDIT
Also I'm thinking more about the DW3 title screen. I really like the idea of using the subtitle like we did in DQ2.
What would you guys think of moving the III up to the end of the top line (like I did for DQ2). It's a nice solution to DRAGON QUEST being shorter than DRAGON WARRIOR. We could also have the center section with roman numerals changed to say something like:
And Into Legend...
or
And Thus Into Legend...