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Author Topic: Adventures of Arle - Draco, Necklace, Mr Float  (Read 3277 times)

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Re: Adventures of Arle - Draco, Necklace, Mr Float
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2018, 10:48:39 pm »
I gave translating the dialogue that I posted earlier which gives the pre-event to Draco talking. If anyone can cross-check to see if it looks correct, I'd be very thankful ^_^;

[WMantle]
ゲホゲホっ! 
*cough* *cough*!

みどりのかみをした
ハネとツノとしっぽのある
おんなのこに
とつぜん こうげきされて…
I was attacked by some chick with green hair,
horns, wings and a tail.


…どうやら ここで
たおれていたようだ
おまえにわたすはずだった
きゅうきょくおたすけマシン
『うかぶくん』も やつに
うばわれてしまった…
(Mantle is located at the entrance of the gardens)
...I must've fallen here. - not sure if this is entirely correct. Could be landed here if dropped or collapsed
I was supposed to give you the ultimate support
machine "floaty", but she stole it...
Darn it!

[Arle 3]
なんてひどい!
どうしてそんなことに?!
That's terrible!
Why did it happen?!

[WMantle]
そのおんなのこに
くうちゅうていえん まで (could be 空中, makes sense if it is)
わたしをはこんでくれたら
みたこともないネックレスを
あげる といったのだ
I told her that if she gave me a lift to Sky/Air Gardens,
I'd give her a necklace that has never been seen before.

[Arle 6]
…みたこともないネックレス?
...A necklace thats never been seen?

[WMantle]
はこんでもらったあと
わたしは おんなのこに
こういったのだ
That's exactly what I told her.

[WMantle]
みたこともないネックレス
なんか わたしも…
みたこともないし
もってもいない と!
はっはっはっ!
I haven't seen the necklace either...
I've never seen it, let alone have it!
Hahaha!

[WMantle]
すると そいつはとつぜん
わたしにおそいかかって
「これはもらっていく!」
といって このなかに はいっていったのだ!
Then she screamed at me saying
"I'm taking this!"
...and went back to her place! / ...and left through that passage way! - again not sure.

Arle
悪いのは キミのほうじゃないか!!
It sounds like you deserved it!!

I'd correct some things:

なんてひどい!
どうしてそんなことに?!
That's terrible!
Why would she do such a thing? ("Why did that happen?" doesn't sound very natural although it's pretty much literally what it says)


はこんでもらったあと
わたしは おんなのこに
こういったのだ
After she carried me,
I told her the following:

みたこともないネックレス
なんか わたしも…
みたこともないし
もってもいない と!
はっはっはっ!
"A necklace that has never been seen before...
I haven't seen it either, so I don't have it!"
Ahahahahaha! (this part was pretty good but I had to add in him saying that he hasn't seen it either (
わたしもみたこともない))


すると そいつはとつぜん
わたしにおそいかかって
「これはもらっていく!」
といって このなかに はいっていったのだ!
After telling her this,
she suddenly attacked me and said
"I'm taking this!"
then came in here! (not entirely sure about this either, but it sounds like the most logical)

Some other minor things: when you make him say things like "chick", you should replace them by more formal words, he's speaking in a typical old stiff man manner, he wouldn't say "chick" or "darn it".
When he says "
どうやらここでたおれていたようだ" it means "looks like (subject) was lying here". He probably means he himself was lying there, as I assume he just woke up from being unconscious, but I used to think he meant the うかぶくん was lying there.
And I'm pretty sure くうちゅう is 空中 (doesn't necessarily have to be a reference to that word I linked though, maybe they just came up with it and it's a coincidence that something like that already existed).


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Jazz

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Re: Adventures of Arle - Draco, Necklace, Mr Float
« Reply #21 on: February 27, 2018, 07:21:41 pm »
I'd correct some things:
Why would she do such a thing?
("Why did that happen?" doesn't sound very natural although it's pretty much literally what it says)

Haha yeah I haven't gone through the scripts yet to make everything sound more human. I'll do that once I get a better idea on how they talk and the little ways in which I can build their character.

Good to know that White cloak talks a bit stiff. I'll consider that for a few other parts of the translation I have him talking in so far. I had read that he refers to Draco as おんなのこに which is more used in a derogatory meaning when males use it to females in conversation. So thought chick kind-of suited.

(this part was pretty good but I had to add in him saying that he hasn't seen it either (わたしもみたこともない))
By using わたし) isn't this him saying "as part of his joke" that he hasn't seen it either anyway ?

I think for the joke purpose of this, I'll try to go with something like
"Yeah, it's NEVER been seen. I didn't have it because I've never seen it either. Ahahahaha."
"Yeah, nobody has SEEN it before, including me. So I didn't have it. Ahahahaha."

Thanks for all your help on this.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2018, 09:40:49 pm by Jazz »
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Re: Adventures of Arle - Draco, Necklace, Mr Float
« Reply #22 on: February 28, 2018, 05:02:31 am »
I had read that he refers to Draco as おんなのこに which is more used in a derogatory meaning when males use it to females in conversation. So thought chick kind-of suited.
By using わたし) isn't this him saying "as part of his joke" that he hasn't seen it either anyway ?

I think for the joke purpose of this, I'll try to go with something like
"Yeah, it's NEVER been seen. I didn't have it because I've never seen it either. Ahahahaha."
"Yeah, nobody has SEEN it before, including me. So I didn't have it. Ahahahaha."

Thanks for all your help on this.

女の子 just means "girl", as in, not a grown woman.

Those 2 sound good, think the first one sounds better. And you're welcome :)
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