I see, thanks. I'm gonna redo those parts. Don't be afraid to point out my mistakes, it only helps me.
When I was saying
"'thee' and 'thou' are more recognizable as from the dialect you want her speaking."
I was saying it was fine to keep her using those, you just needed to use them properly, which leads into what I was actually complaining about: The subject/object usage of the words. Very rarely in fictional works do you see royalty using "royal" speaking conventions, such as we royal "we"/"us" to refer to themselves. Instead fictional words often specifically use informal speech pattern to appeal to a wider audience. (You'll probably still want to use the formal version for speaking in a ceremonial role)
If you don't mind a lot of biblical quotes used as examples then this page has a decent breakdown of the proper usage of thee/thou/thy/ect:https://www.ecclesia.org/truth/thou.html
The problem is that modern English combines pretty much all the different usages of the words into "you", so people aren't really used to breaking down their grammar to know how they're actually using a word, and the words actually in English still like that, we know which to use instinctively, so we never really think about it.
As far as the "est" situation... Roughly 60% of the words used in Shakespearian works are gibberish, made-up words whose meanings are all only obvious through context (see: Jabberwocky
). People trying to emulate old-english should NOT follow his path.
There are lots of people out there who do know how to properly write old-english, and even more, to blend it into modern English to keep everything understandable. It wouldn't be too hard at all to find someone with the proper knowledge to fix her script up for you.
Actually.. A tiny bit of research, and what you're looking for is Archaic/Early Modern English (circa 1500's), not Old English. direct your research on the script that way.