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Author Topic: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?  (Read 8781 times)

DarknessSavior

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Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« on: February 06, 2013, 08:22:59 am »
So, originally, in the Japanese version, we have...

Quote
In a calamity, people awaited for a brave with the sword.

The sword revealed the power of its true nature to retrieve the peace.

Excalibur, Kusanagi, and all the other swords talked in myth, legend, and saga...

People named those swords in many ways.

But...

They all meant one thing.

The one and only...

The Sword of Mana

in SoM, we got:

Quote
Darkness sweeps the troubled land, as mana's power fades...

People await a hero who will wield the sword...

Excalibur, Herald, Gigas...

The blade has had many names, for it has been celebrated in myths and legends throughout time.

But all of these speak to just one weapon: The Sword of Mana.

I was thinking of replacing it with...

Quote
In times of calamity, the people
placed their hopes on a hero wielding the sword.

The sword's true nature was to bring peace back to the people.

Excalibur, Kusanagi, Masamune, and all other swords spoken of in myth, legend, and folktale...

People called the sword by many names, but...

They all referred to one blade:

The Sword of Mana.

Sound good? Do you have something better?

Also, for Seiken Densetsu II, how does "Legend of the Sacred Blade" sound?

~DS
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Nightcrawler

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2013, 08:56:17 am »
The original translation sounds better. It reads more elegantly. Yours is more verbose, but doesn't add anything of value. It instead loses the focus of each line with superfluous words. I hope this is not the tone or writing style that will be set for the project.  :-\
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DarknessSavior

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2013, 09:04:41 am »
My objective was to take the intro from the Japanese game, make it sound more natural in English, and combine a bit from the English release that we got.

And it's not like I've got much to work with, here. The English release decided to add an entire sentence that wasn't even in the Japanese (remember, the Japanese intro was in English).

That's why I posted it here.

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Garoth Moulinoski

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2013, 09:22:40 am »
Given the reasoning behind the retranslation and how it relates to the plot, your new version does make more sense to me than the SoM one. On top of that, it makes the original intro make much more sense. It was probably fine to Japanese players, but not English ones...
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DSwizzy145

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2013, 06:51:23 pm »
your doing a retranslation of Seiken Densetsu II? was any of the dialogue in-game different or censored in the American release?

Hiei-

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2013, 07:09:55 pm »
Script cut because of the size, something like 1/3 is cut in french and should be more or less the same in english. And, of course, some translation problems. In the translated version I saw, it's said that the hero don't get magic because the sword will one day be stronger than any magics. In the japanese version, it's said that the hero can't get magic because it could conflict with the sword power and kill the hero.

There is also a boss which has been censored and which has been put in back again (in the japanese version, the first version has hammers and the second version has a chainsaw. In occidental versions, both have hammers. Not to mention the chainsaw version is hell harder, it's very hard to hit him with weapons).

The icon of the Earthquake magic has been modified too.

And there are two unused sentences, I plan to reinsert one of them if I can, I plan to post soon here to ask some help about it.

And of course, a VWF.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2013, 04:41:34 am by Hiei- »

ChronoMoogle

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2013, 07:51:09 pm »
Awesome effort! The cutted script probably stole a lot of the original athmosphere in the localised versions of Seiken Densetsu 1 & 2.
Still, I would say the title "Secret of Mana" is still fine and shouldn't be scrapped.

Hiei-

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2013, 02:35:51 am »
That's why I did that for my own (french) version :



And as he'll work with the tools I have, I assume he'll do the same (put the translated japanese title as a subtitle, and color the title differently to show easily the rom was modified and that it's not the original translation. Plus, it looks better than the yellow they used).
« Last Edit: February 07, 2013, 04:40:59 am by Hiei- »

RetroHelix

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2013, 08:37:16 am »
If the localised version differs in any other way (other events maybe, censoring?) from the original one, you could also use Somedit to make changes.

DarknessSavior

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2013, 08:52:08 am »
That's why I did that for my own (french) version :



And as he'll work with the tools I have, I assume he'll do the same (put the translated japanese title as a subtitle, and color the title differently to show easily the rom was modified and that it's not the original translation. Plus, it looks better than the yellow they used).
This. I was planning on putting whatever secondary title I decided on underneath it. That way, everyone's happy.

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Hiei-

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2013, 09:38:36 am »
If the localised version differs in any other way (other events maybe, censoring?) from the original one, you could also use Somedit to make changes.

No, that was just those two things and somedit was useless for those, as it don't support boss modifications for example. And anyway, it's a lot more than just changing the GFX, all the adresses and datas related to the boss pattern had to be reinserted.

In the occidental versions, the game load the same datas and adresses for the two boss (they are identical, except the colors). So we had to move the datas of the japanese boss somewhere else, and add a bankswitch function.

Ah, I just noticed it got updated recently. Unfortunately, the last version was quite old and wasn't able to do what was required.

(My rom wouldn't work with it anyway, as I expanded it and moved some things, but yeah, it's still possible to modify the original rom then copy-paste what you changed).

Paul Jensen

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2013, 11:08:55 am »
I'm actually pretty happy with Woolsey's translation already, but I'll give this a go.

"There are many sacred swords in the heroic legends of old
Heroes used these hallowed blades to fight off evil in times of trouble

The swords are known by names like Kusanagi, Hrunting, and Excalibur
But all those names are shared by just one steel

This is the tale of
the sword of myth
the sword of legend

This is the tale of
the Sword of Mana"

I put Beowulf's Hrunting in there because three sword names sounded better than two IMO. What do you all think?

By the way, the first time I tried to write this, the first few lines came out sounding like poetic verse, so I went with it and ended up with this:

"In troubled times of ages past
A hero did appear at last.
With slumbered sword held in his hand
he drove damnation from the land

The names by which this sword it goes
they number many, known by its foes
as Kusanagi, Hrunting, or
Excalibur, of Arthur lore

The steel is but one, you see
and real, not of fantasy
Hark ye hero, to its reprise,
the Sword of Mana will soon arise."

Sounds corny, I guess, but I had fun writing it.

HTH
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Hiei-

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2013, 11:25:26 am »
In the retranslated Iphone version, the names of the sword in the intro are "Excalibur, Kusanagi and Masamune" if it can help.

DarknessSavior

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2013, 12:45:54 pm »
In the retranslated Iphone version, the names of the sword in the intro are "Excalibur, Kusanagi and Masamune" if it can help.
That's actually kinda funny. I simply chose Masamune because I looked through the list of swords, and Masamune was the only other really famous one I saw.

@Paul Jensen: Remember. That wasn't a "translation". The intro portion was already in English. And some of it doesn't even sound like proper English to me.

I actually like parts of both of the versions you came up with, but as a whole they don't quite go with what I was hoping for (and I wasn't really hoping someone would re-write it for me, so much as tell me what I could do to improve the one I wrote...)

~DS
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Paul Jensen

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2013, 09:57:40 pm »
@Paul Jensen: Remember. That wasn't a "translation". The intro portion was already in English. And some of it doesn't even sound like proper English to me.

Heh. Right. I guess these days I think of Japanese and Engrish (with an "r") as the same thing.  :)
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KingMike

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #15 on: February 07, 2013, 10:12:14 pm »
@Paul Jensen: Remember. That wasn't a "translation". The intro portion was already in English. And some of it doesn't even sound like proper English to me.

Quote
Excalibur, Kusanagi, and all the other swords talked in myth, legend, and saga...
They probably put Excalibur in the stone to make it shut up. :D
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DarknessSavior

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #16 on: February 07, 2013, 10:33:31 pm »
They probably put Excalibur in the stone to make it shut up. :D
Y'know, I actually double checked that to see if it was an error. It is not. XD

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Hiei-

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #17 on: June 11, 2013, 03:52:54 am »
Final tools sent to DarknessSavior, who want to retranslate the game in english :)

Of course, the rom will have the uncensored boss, original earthquake icon readded, and one of the unused text reinserted.

He'll probably put some pics when he'll have time :)
« Last Edit: June 11, 2013, 04:01:46 am by Hiei- »

Pikachumanson

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2013, 06:33:23 am »
What's so uncensored about the boss?

Jorpho

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Re: Secret of Mana/Seiken Densetsu II opening/title?
« Reply #19 on: June 11, 2013, 09:48:54 am »
There is also a boss which has been censored and which has been put in back again (in the japanese version, the first version has hammers and the second version has a chainsaw. In occidental versions, both have hammers. Not to mention the chainsaw version is hell harder, it's very hard to hit him with weapons).
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